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Journal of D. M. B.
May. 11th, 2006
07:15 pm - silence is horribly loud.
I start this entry out not as a fun college student who is having a great time. I am a college student but am having such a horrible time. My roommates won't talk to me... I'm not quite sure why. The only logical thing is because I told them I was coming back to the bar, but I ended up not going back. But does that warrant the total dissemination of a friendship? Does that give them the right to make me feel like shit for the past couple of days? Maybe... I mean, its up to them-- if they don't want to be friends, and I do-- I guess I can't do anything about that. If they perceive me as being such a horrible friend to them, maybe I'm not up to their "standards". I tried talking to them, but I got the not so subtle hints that they want nothing to do with me. I can't stand it when people don't like me... I believe a lot of people feel this way, too. If it weren't for Chris, I think I would be having a mental breakdown. God, I was on the verge of a breakdown a month ago... I hope these aren't signs of what will become. This whole fiasco makes me think what I could have done to be a better friend. I could have called them more (I suppose, but I never call anyone), I could have spent more time with them (I used to spend hours upon hours with them). I always got the feeling that they were mad with me when I brought Chris around, maybe I shouldn't have brought him around as much--- but that doesn't seem fair to chris at all. But maybe they were never that great of friends after all. For instance, my birthday was a month ago-- and almost all my friends went out to the bar with me. That was fun, but on my actual birthday-- when I had asked everyone to go out to dinner with me, they made plans to do something else. Not to mention, my birthday always makes me incredibly depressed. When I was 16, I was so depressed that I actually was thinking of committing suicide...Even as I'm writing this journal, I had hoped it would have made me feel better by getting it out there-- but I just feel like crap. Its just not what I thought it would be, I just wish I could leave-- but I can't...... I'm even stuck in this crappy situation next year because we signed a lease, unless I can find someone to take my spot.
Apr. 28th, 2005
01:51 am - AIM is evil
It is so fricking late... I should be sleeping, yet here I am- almost 2 in the morning talking on the internet. You may be asking yourself "who is this person?" or "Donna doesn't like talking to people...ever" For the most part this is true, I still really hate talking on the phone-- its so awkward. I called someone today, and it was frightening-- probably because I don't know the person very well or maybe because it was a guy... who knows? OK, so officially bitterfest is over, forever. Crazy? Insane? Stupid? yeah... I know, but a very loud puerto rican told me that I have all my life to be bitter. I'm only 20-- what the hell is gonna happen when I turn 50? I can just imagine being so bitter that all i do is yell at my cats-- because no one wants a bitter girl. Although I do have my reasons to be bitter (cocoa turd knows!!). Anyways school sucks... I really feel horrible that I don't care at all for my korean language course-- you would think I would have a natural feel for it... but no, I sound ridiculous--- I don't even have a good asian accent! Today I went to see the movie, Closer. It was very strange, I'm not sure if I really liked it. I went with R.F. guy and his posse. It was pretty fun-- kinda weird because we didn't really talk that much, and I left right after the movie-- but overall, it was good. Things have gotten weird this quarter, my entire collegiate career have consisted of zero guys that I was really interested in-- well except Murray, but that doesn't really count. And now, in the span of one month-- I'm interested in a couple of guys. Its strange, I've never liked two guys at the same time-- I'm not gonna say who they are, or even if I've mentioned them thus far... Chances are everyone knows-- except them, hopefully... Anywho, excited about this weekend!! The columbus zoo on friday, for free!! God, I haven't been to a zoo in such a long time-- its gonna be so cool, I can't wait to see the penguins! Then there is tony's party on friday, which should be good, if someone comes with me... I'm not going alone, bad things happen when you're alone. Anyways, its fucking late... I have to get up in 6 hours... tomorrow is gonna suck!!
Moment of Zen: "Well dracula called and he said he was coming over for you, and I said OK..." Master Shake
Apr. 8th, 2005
02:33 am - I do what I want!
Its late. Friday morning. I realized that I have not updated this thing in about a month and a half. I'm sorry to all my loyal readers ((cocoa turd)). Anyways... Paninni's is where the group went, and since I know two of those people pretty well- I went also. I hate going to these sort of shin digs where I don't know anyone but everyone knows each other. It really sucks, I try to put on a happy face and try to have fun-- I just don't know what the hell is going on. Everyone is talking about events and things I have no clue about. Urg, I just need to stop going to bars till I'm 21--- at least I could get drinks then and be trashed... This is the end of the second week of class, its flying by. I'm usually busy from 9:30-6 everyday, which is a big change. I really do miss my 9 hour sleep cycle at night w/ my 2 hour nap during the day. Facebook is funny but good. I started chatting with some random guy on it. He seems pretty cool, but what the hell do I know--- I feel that aim personality is not a good predictor of the person's real identity. I know for a fact that my aim personality is more funny and witty than what I really am in person... oh well. Daposse and I went to Windsor over spring break. This was a brilliant idea, "lets go to a place that is known for their cold temperatures for spring break--- OK!" Besides it being cold it was pretty fun... wait I take that back, there were some other things that made is horrible. First off, some stupid kid forced me to dance with him (well actually it was two of my friends that forced him on me... I love you guys...) When did it become acceptable to start slapping a girl on the ass in the middle of the dance floor. He didn't even know me! God, I need at least 2 dates before any slapping gets involved... The reason he probably thought it was cool, was because he was from michigan-- that pretty much explains it. Ehh, I was gonna try to make this one really funny--- but I'm tired....
Moment of Zen: "I'm attracted to pie; that doesn't mean I want to date it." Laurali Gilmore
Feb. 19th, 2005
01:26 am - No, No, Yes?
Women are fickle creatures... I usually start these blasted journal entries with the many faults of the male population (it will probably end up with the faults of men). Its just occurred to me, that when girls are talking to boys they like they say things like "oh, stop it...hahaha" when men are complementing them but they mean "keep on going" or "don't come over" means "come over, but make it seem like you really wanted to". Guys, don't take this the wrong way-- honestly when a girl says "no" in a certain situation (SEX) it honestly means "NO"... I just don't see why girls can't be honest, don't we always yell at the other sex for being completely dishonest?? I admit I fall into this craziness, but because it just seems automatic and I assume the opponent knows the rules-- but obviously that is wrong. Where did this craziness come from? Who taught us to say no, when we actually want to say yes? Is it some primal urge to keep guys on their toes?? Or fear, that if we say "yes" too much it could lead to some big "no, no's" ... Who knows? I must say, since we're now in the 21st century, women have come a long way-- we now make the first move, pay for dates... but we still like to be asked first and taken out. I have no idea where I'm going with this. Women are indecisive in this area- and I see how its very complicated for men these days... there used to be a set of rules that everyone followed but now there is very unclear. I say we revert back to those notes we passed back and forth in elementary school, "Do you like me, check yes or no"... Gosh, that was so easy! Well I guess nowadays we have something like that, Facebook (college crack). I actually know someone who met her boyfriend on there, as crazy as it sounds. I'm guessing it all started with a "poke", lol. Why can't there be some definite way of finding out if that special someone likes you back, it would be much easier than analyzing every single word, touch, look, etc... I guess we just have to make things complicated as we get older. On a personal note, things in my life have been very uneventful... School and work, work and research, research and sleeping. Thats the jest of it all. Going to a formal next week, I think it will be fun b/c everything is fun when you're wasted. I gave up carbonated beverages for lent, even though I'm not catholic or even religious these days... wow, i just realized how incredibly stupid I sound when I tell people this, lol... And thats it, my once youthful and creative mind has once again pooped out on me...
Moment of Zen: Nobody puts baby in the corner!
Jan. 11th, 2005
03:55 pm - new year, same shit
So many of my entries are dedicated to the things we, women, call men. Its kind of sickening how much we think of them, talk about them, plan our lives around them even though they are horrible little creatures (most of them...especially in college). I haven't really been thinking that much about it, which makes me glad-- maybe I have finally realized that I don't need another person to measure my self-worth. Who cares, thats my motto. Maybe I'm that one person who never gets married (9 out of 10 people get married). I think I can handle that. I'm a firm believer that if its meant to be, it will show up when you least expect it. So many girls in college expect to find their "soul-mate" or "future husband" in college-- a lot find their first husbands.... Anyways, nothing new since the new year. I worked an incredible amount during the holiday break, so much that I really wanted to go back to school and start classes. That feeling has now diminished, lol. We went to the one of Columbus' trashiest club last thursday... it was interesting. Its a way for girls to whore themselves out legally and have fun doing it-- so I guess its a win-win situation. Well, I just spent 5 minutes staring at the screen. Hopefully more exciting things will happen this weekend.
Moment of Zen: "A witty remark means nothing" Voltaire
Nov. 5th, 2004
12:41 am - don't read this, really...stop reading
I will never understand. I will never understand why people voted for Bush. I will never understand men. i will never understand why I do the things i do. I'm officially back to bitterfest, I haven't visited for awhile- but bush's 2nd term drove me there. I don't understand when it became acceptable to say how hot another girl is to a different girl you barely know. Why do guys do that? Seriously, do they purposely want to make you feel uncomfortable? Probably not, is it that their animal instincts kick right in when they see a beautiful girl and they must say something to make sure that their idea of beautiful is the same as their friends? I don't know... I don't mean to be a bitch about this, I'm actually quite used to it by now (which is sad that I am). Basically what I'm trying to get across is that when a guy (who is a friend/acquaintance) makes a remark on another girl, it makes us feel inadequate--even though it has nothing to do with us. Its funny how the woman's mind works. Wait, I didn't mean "funny" I meant bizarre. Halloween was this past weekend. I had fun being a dominatrix, or should I say donnantrix? The OC started back up today! It was glorious, ryan and seth went back to Newport-- its all good. I hope ryan and marissa don't get back together, or summer and seth.... It just dawned on me that I could be done with school by next spring. Insane. Where has my college years gone? Well I guess, alot of it was sleeping. I feel that I haven't learned anything that could help me in my career. Wow, this journal entry is incredibly boring...I blame it on Bush-- he made me bitter.
Moment of Zen: "Wait in line, or don't vote." Kenneth Blackwell, Ohio's Secretary of State
Oct. 21st, 2004
04:16 pm - Schlegel or Pitcock, I don't care
Hmm, I've been pressured into writing this journal entry. So it might seem forced and unimaginative (because I was forced to do it and I am unimaginative right now). I haven't wrote in the thing for awhile because nothing of importance has happened to me. Some things of importance have happened to some close friends of mine, so I guess I'll write about that. A couple that has been dating/talking/ blah blah blah/ whatever is now offiicial... whatever the hell that means. Why is it such a big deal to become official? Well, I guess the obvious reason is to make the couple exclusive-- but if either of them were seeing other people at the same time then maybe they shouldn't be together. At a party that the boys were throwin', my cocoa turd kissed a boy there.... but it gets better. Let me start out by saying that she had been bitter that entire week because all she wanted was a nook. Well the night after the party, we saw the kid at the same house-- and she sooo could have gotten a nook. But, she didn't. She chickened out, well maybe just freaked out by the whole situation because the friend of that boy was being really weird. Anywho, these past couple of weeks have been devoted to being bitter. You may be asking yourself, "Donna, why are you bitter?" Its a number of things, its not the same things all the time. For the past couple of days its been the weather and school. Over the weekend it was the fuckin' buckeyes and my lack of fuckin'. But in general, its usually because of me feeling like I need a boyfriend-- which I don't. I just need to realize that. I haven't had a real crush in such a long time. The kind of crush that gives you butterflies whenever you think of him, the kind of crush that keeps you up at night, the kind of crush that is crushing right back at youat the same intensity. So to sum things up, I'm being bitter because I'm a girl. Oh, and to top things off-- I had an epiphany watching Oprah. "He is just not that into you". wow, such a great quote that I need tatooed on my brain-- This quote is great, but I think it just makes me more bitter. I'm pretty sure Bitterfest 2004 will be over soon, I feel a new festival coming on... Drunk&HighFest 2004!
Moment of Zen: the late Johnny Ramone speaking of his friend Eddie Vedder in Spin Magazine. Spin: You're friends with Eddie Vedder. He's out on tour trying to unseat Bush. Ramone: I think it's very wrong to try to push your beliefs like that. But he's gotta do what he's gotta do. We discuss it. I don't argue with him. I just feel like (the artists on the Vote for Change tour) don't know better.
Oct. 5th, 2004
11:14 pm - ... not yet Jesus!
I'm special... so special, I gotta have some of your affection- give it to me!! Why is it that girls equate self worth with how long it's been since you've received a compliment? It seems so irrational, women have come a long way and yet we're still stupid when it comes to the age old question "why don't I have a boyfriend?" I admit , that I succumb to this ridiculous train of thought-- but I can't help it. I'm just a "hopeless romantic" or have I been brainwashed by all these chick flicks that I see... For whatever reason, I can't stop myself from thinking about it at the most inconvenient times. Anywho I've been trying to work on that by keeping myself busy but its hard to stay busy when you're lazy. This past weekend was good, if good is defined as a better time than OK. Tressel's team lost on saturday which put a damper on the evening-- so we got pokey sticks to eat our pain away (thats what made it better than OK) Then on sunday, we went to this weird pizza joint where I got raped( mentally) -- but the thing that made it better than OK was the exceptional pizza i got for free. Other than that, school is going as well as it can at this point in time-- I dropped my poli sci class which made this week better than OK. My goal this year is to network more, so far I got one number-- I might use it sometime this weekend for the free beer(ok, I know that last statement makes me sound shallow-- but I flat out told the guy that the only reason i would come over is for the free beer(in a half-joking manner)) Anyways, he doesn't live too far away and he likes the same beer that I do-- so that should be exciting. I have a new crush... well, not a crush per say maybe a highly glorified admiration for a guy who lives in siebert. "Paul" fits all my quota for the perfect man so far, I'm still gonna need some more stalking time before the full report comes out but the preliminary reports are looking positive. Well hopefully sometime in the next future I'll stop over and make an ass out of myself in front of him-- because I'm incredibly good at that. Well, things need to be done-- and I need to procrastinate for them.
Moment of Zen: "Hard work pays off in the long run, but procrastination pays off now!"
Sep. 26th, 2004
03:47 pm - B...A...L...L...S...
I survived my first week of classes here at OSU, well technically my first half week of classes. Things are going good, meeting some new people on the floor. Doing the usual college things: drinking, stealing music, not doing homework, and drinking... Things got a little crazy on Firday, I think it was because of the margaritas-- they were very good and no one could taste the tequila in them. It was a small party but by no means does that mean it was a boring party. Things happened in the "hamster room" or the "jerk off room"( I heard the guys calling that room by both names)- I don't want to give it away, especially over the internet, but there was some "If I show you this, you have to show me that" sort of thing going on. Some people were getting it on, on the roof-- I'm not gonna name any names though. On saturday I talked to a guy who is "on break" with his girlfriend, which to me is just a red flag.... I really don't understand guys when they say "I just want to take a break"-- they should just be frank and say "you're driving me crazy, so I'm just going to check and see if all girls are crazy like you or you're just an exception" The bengals are dissapointing me, well carson is dissapointing me to be honest. It looked like they were gonna make a comeback-- but looks can be deceiving. I talked to "Bob" the other day, it was strange because I didn't do my usual stutter/nervous talk that I get from talking to someone on the phone for the first time-- the conversation flowed well, but it could have been better. I just want to meet someone in which I could talk to hours with without ever getting bored, is that so much to ask for? -- yeah, I guess it is...
Moment of Zen: "I'm gonna beat that bitch up" ~KG
Jul. 3rd, 2004
01:27 am - July has 31 days
Lovely, its summer and there is nothing to do. Watching conan, always a summer favorite and more recently a college favorite now that I don't have to get up so early. I started working at stupid summer job that most college students have. Mine is at Meijer... at a gas station. Yea, its pretty easy-- I just don't like working, I like being lazy. Anyways, I swear everyone is doing this couple thing. I see people and wonder how they could be with someone while I'm here by my self, watching family guy and aqua teen hunger force... Life is grand, ain't it? Well, nothing new has happened since school let out. Isn't it weird how I can't wait till school is over, and now I can't wait to get back. Trying to plan a white water rafting trip, it should be fun... getting drunk and then trying to survive on a careening river of death, West Virgina's past time..lol Anyways, I probably won't update this until school starts up again. Yes, I know.. no one reads this anyways...
Moment of Zen: Meatwad get the honeys...
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